Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need to calm my uterus...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
