I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize