Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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