just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
