By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
