I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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