take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize