Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
