it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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