vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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