at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
