he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
