I have demons in me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize