there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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