Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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