I love black thongs
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
