ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
