yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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