last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
