I puked a lego.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I AM VODKA MAN
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize