Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
