I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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