a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
