Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
