went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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