i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
