I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
