The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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