why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
