what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
