I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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