i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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