Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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