Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
