It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
