i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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