she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
