That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
