Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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