when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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