You made me cry and you don't even care
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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