I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
