Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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