I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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