Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
