My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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