this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He passed out mid-signature
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
