someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
