That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
