Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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