so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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