i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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