fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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