I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
