I met the friendliest cop last night
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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