you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
