I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
