he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
