Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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