in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
