So drunk its hurt
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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