I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
