I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
