I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
