i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
