Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The power of my boobs compel you
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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