Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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