This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I enjoy the company of your penis
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
