i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is my gift to your gina
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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