i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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