I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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