She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
