bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
