mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
