fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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