the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
