I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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