he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
