he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
