It's Friday. Sex?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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