Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
