More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize