I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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