i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
