I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
