I hate all girls vehemently.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
