Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I cut my penus on the lid.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
