That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
