Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
