soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
