They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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