Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I touched a dick in church today
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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