Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
