If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
