Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have already put on my inside pants.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
