There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
