i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
