yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
