i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
