tell your sister to shave her snatch
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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