he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
