i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
